There are times in my life when things get especially hard, when the weight of the world crushes down on my shoulders, back and chest. When it gets hard to swallow and the tears threaten to break forth. When the world outside is cold and unforgiving. Now, feels like one of those times. It’s a time when I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. When the tunnel is just a tunnel and the tunnel is never ending.
But, I find that surrounding myself with things that bring their own light to my life, then I at least have a flashlight to guide me within the tunnel. One that shines on the dark spaces and reveals them for what they really are. Simply cracked, grey concrete.
The idea to break through with force and with rage is appealing. But it’s not the only way. I’ve found that if I keep enough battery in the flashlight, if I keep feeding it with the little things that I love, I will eventually find my way out of this tunnel and into the sunshine. To feel the wind on my face or the spray of the sea.
Because I know it’s waiting for me to reach it and to tell me that this, too, shall pass, eventually. So I’m taking the steps to get there, one at a time, flashlight in hand.
Tonight, I’m opening the door
Climbing the stairs, step by step
Walking toward the unknown
The darkness waiting for the light
To switch on and open
Your eyes to everything
You’ve seen and have yet to see
After it all, there’s one thing left
It’s all that you’ll ever need
I create to open doors and windows and minds.
I create to satiate the need inside of me.
I create in order to love, to discover, to climb.
I create to find a way through the darkness, to be reminded of the light.
I create a “me” that I see and a “me” that you see.
I’m creating me.
“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” — Allen Ginsberg
Do you follow Ginsberg’s advice — in your writing and/or in your everyday life?
I like to think that madness means emotion. Emotion that comes from an all consuming passion. Passion that lies within the deep recesses of your body and mind. Mind on madness is creation. Creation breaking and ebbing away from reasonable thought. Thought coming through the layers of our most pure and honest souls. Souls that are lost and begging to be found. Found in the darkness and in the light lost. Lost minds submerged in a wave of unfamiliarity. Unfamiliarity in a moment but familiar in the next. Next to us yet whispering from some far away place. Place the absorbs the misunderstood looks and quickly judging eyes. Eyes that open with the light and in the mirror reflect. Reflect who you are and who you are not and who you are becoming. Becoming the self that is deep inside those large and dark blue veins. Veins that threaten to be sliced open and release your inner pain. Pain that sits behind your tear stained eyes and within your constricted heart. Heart that wishes for something to hold and show us the road home. Home where you can step back from the edge and within it madness make.