Poetic Bends · Story Time

Forever is Too Far Away

Writing prompt: In a different life, love would simply be enough. But this is the one life given. Write a story about life getting in the way. 

I thought I could do this forever. I wanted to. I thought nothing would have to change and we could just be us. But the moment we step out that door, we will no longer be us. We’ll be picked apart and judged. Ridiculed and mocked. And the sad  truth is only one of us will make it out alive. You’ll walk through the mist and come out the other side deemed a saint. The one who was naïve and let your emotions get the better of you. The one who was too trusting and who stuck to the inherent belief that there is good in everyone.

It will suddenly be about them. The preordained and all knowing, collective “them”.  They’ll love you. As they’ve always loved you. They’ll stand by you and protect you. Yes, they will talk about you but they won’t destroy you. They might question you, but that moment will be nothing but fleeting. Then they’ll pity you. They’ll say that I used you. That I didn’t truly care about you. That I blinded you to everything that I am. They’ll say that I took advantage of your kindness and your open heart. They will continue loving you, all the while condemning me.

The moment we step out that door, we can never be us. The “us” that stands together when times get tough. The “us” that knows the deepest and most shameful secrets. The “us” that whispers sweet nothings and dreams of a life outside these walls. The “us” that made this bed our home. Where these sheets became as familiar to me as your own skin. We’ll no longer be people. We’ll be turned into objects. But you, you’ll remain shiny and I’ll be made rusty. You’ll be put on a pedestal and I’ll be tossed aside. But only after such a thorough nitpicking that it feels more like a beating. I’ll be left bloody and you’ll be rendered whole.

I thought I could do this forever. I wanted “this” and “us” and “you” and “now”. I wanted the life that we dreamed about in the wee hours of the night. Of the forever we spoke of as the sun came up over the horizon. I wanted it to be my forever but forever feels too far away and that life isn’t one we’ve been granted.

I’m yours for as long as you need me. But know I will never be allowed to need you.

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