I keep thinking back on that day with an air of complete disbelief and misunderstanding. Not a misunderstanding of the actual moment in time, but all that came in between and after. My thoughts and feelings were taken by complete surprise and I felt that that single moment we shared was about to change my life forever.
But instead, here I am. I’m still me and you’re still you. Our lives are no longer intersecting and maybe they were never meant to outside of that moment. The idea that suddenly formed in my head might have been one of disproportion, but it was one of complete and utter hopeless hope.
In that moment, as you looked into my eyes and spoke to me of your life, I thought for an instance that this was what I had been waiting all these years for. That the misunderstandings I’ve been a part of throughout my life, would no longer cling to my back, tainting the ideas in the back of my mind.
But once again, I seem to have mistaken simple human connection with unconditional politeness. I will never know whether or not you felt the same connection as I did in that fleeting moment. The moment where I suddenly pictured our lives as no longer being separate but simply and cohesively coming together. As if we had never been apart. As if we never had to say goodbye.
And although I may have seen the last of you, this idea of us remains. Haunting me with “what if”. Torturing me with what could have been. But I will never be you and you will never be me. We will never again see ourselves in each other. If we ever truly had, at all.
The hardest part is letting go of our potential. Of the future we will never share. I may have a lifetime of misses under my belt, and I’m sure there are many more to come, but I will never misuse my ability to have hope.