What Television Has Taught Me

In honor of the summer season coming to a much-needed and morosely sweaty close, and the fall line-up being almost within my shaking grasp, I’ve decided to jot down all of the things that I’ve learned so far on my journey through the boob tube, the idiot box, the small screen.

For those that don’t know, television is my 2nd love. My first love being something that often gets neglected and tossed to the side and sullenly thought about days later with head shaking and tiny amounts of regret. However, my love affair with television is one like no other. We’re there for each other when no one else is. (Except in my current case where I don’t actually have a television or cable, we often partake in a menage a trois with something I like to call the internet) Television and I understand each other. We cry together, we laugh together, we grieve together. We even throw flabbergasted tantrums together and judge each other for using a word like flabbergasted in normal conversation.

Now don’t get me wrong, I partake in the outside world. I really do. Especially now that I’m in the beautiful Manhattan and trying to “make it”. But there are times when I just need a little down time and just need a moment to sit back, relax and as they say it: “Enjoy the show”.

So here’s my list of things I’ve learned from the multitude of television that I watch as I prepare my mind (and my computer) for the long haul that is the fall line-up.

*This list does not include any shows about to enter their freshman season or summer shows that are still airing. Those will be saved for another post entirely because, of course, I only love to add to the madness*

Dallas (Mid-season 3 premiere August 18th): At the end of the day, family will always be there for you…with a sharpened knife aimed right at your back.

Doctor Who (season 8 premiere August 23rd): Fish fingers and custard are delicious. No joke.

Sons of Anarchy (7th and final season premiere September 9th): Make sure to always let the water out of the sink. Do not under any circumstances leave water in the sink. You have been warned.

Haven (season 5 premiere September 11th): Never trust a shabby barn. Or people who drastically change their hair and personality.

The Mindy Project (season 3 premiere September 16th): There’s a three strikes policy for falling in the fountain at Lincoln Center.

Sleepy Hollow (season 2 premiere September 22nd): Just because your child turns out to be evil doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent.

Awkward (Mid-season 3 premiere September 23? I found this somewhere once but now I can’t find it again, so don’t take my word for it. I could be a total liar): On that note, watch out for compulsive liars. You might become the victim of a baby trap.

Chicago Fire (season 3 premiere September 23rd): Chicago is home to all the firefighters who are hotter than the fires they fight.

Chicago P.D. (season 2 premiere September 24th): All the hot men and women live and serve in Chicago. Maybe I should move back to the Midwest…

Scandal (season 4 premiere September 25th): Everyone has secrets. Our parents may be keeping the biggest ones of all.

Once Upon A Time (season 4 premiere September 28th): Regina Mills is flawless. She has two trendy purses and a super hot, arrow slinging boyfriend. I hear her tiara is ensured for $10,000. I hear she does carriage commercials in Wonderland. Her favorite pastime is casting curses. One time she met The Brother’s Grimm in the Enchanted Forest and they told her she was pretty. One time she punched The Savior in the face. It was awesome.

The Vampire Diaries (season 6 premiere October 2nd): After 5 human years, 35 dog years, 2 high school grades, one freshman year of college, and more time spent in graveyards than classrooms, Bonnie Bennett is still useless as ever.

The Originals (season 2 premiere October 6th): Having an overprotective sibling isn’t always a good thing. Especially when they try and kill you and your immortal boyfriend.

Supernatural (season 10 premiere October 7th): If there’s a key, then there must be a lock.

Arrow (season 3 premiere October 8th): Sometimes the person we’d take an arrow for is behind the bow string.

The Walking Dead (season 5 premiere October 12th): Humanity is just as diseased and rotten as ever. And I’m not talking about the dead.

Parks and Recreation (7th and final season premiere date yet to be announced): When a glorious mustached man asks for all the bacon and eggs you have, you give him all the bacon and eggs you have.

Glee (6th and final season premiere date yet to be announced): Maybe there won’t be marriage, maybe there won’t be sex. But by God, there will be dancing and probably singing. But mostly singing.

Hannibal (season 3 premiere yet to be announced): Life’s tough. Sometimes it can even feel like a blood bath. Like your throats been cut open, your guts are pouring out and you’ve just been pushing through a 3 story window. Might need more than a helmet to combat this one.

*Feel free to rant, ramble and rage about anything and everything far between. I know I do. I would love to hear your thoughts, passions, OTP’s, BROTP’s and outright character hatred. It’s always welcome.*

There are also a number of things that I’ve learned from the movies. That of which you can find right here.



5 thoughts on “What Television Has Taught Me

  1. Did you really try fish fingers and custard? I mean… but well, it’s Doctor approved who am I to… Fuck it. Geronimo. 😉 Always nice to meet a fellow Whovian.

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