If it wasn’t this…it would be something else

It’s hard when you want something and you can’t have it. Even worse when you’re not even given the opportunity. I am no stranger to want. I don’t think anyone really is. We always want things. Things that are unattainable, things we can’t have, and things that we think we deserve. I ask myself what I deserve a lot. The list isn’t very long. Usually starts with happiness and ends with respect. Or something.

Maybe this list should include a guy who says “I can’t imagine a world without you”, or the promise of winery at 60, or snowboarding every December, or those oh so beautiful twin red Lexuses. Maybe I just deserve to hear back from someone. Maybe I just deserve to have a job because for once in my life, I want to work. I want to hit the ground running and do something that matters. I want to make a difference. I want to contribute to this world. I want…I want to do so many things. But does that mean that I deserve them?

People say that if it was meant to be it will be. Or maybe it’s just that if it wasn’t this….it would be something else. Something will come my way. I just have to wait for it. But no one likes waiting forever.

Besides my foot is asleep…It feels like pins and needles and trotting on Legos.

Okay, I’m obviously babbling. I should really be in bed. But maybe I’ll stay up and watch Elizabethtown instead. It always helps to watch that movie when I’m contemplating life, the universe and everything. Maybe it will give me the answers that I not only want but that I deserve.


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