Think of your longest relationship…Tell us about your love story.
When it comes to relationships I am multiple things:
- I’m not one of those people who had a slightly awkward/ slightly creepy middle school relationship that merely consisted of wiping the sweat off my hand after holding someone else’s for more than 5 minutes.
- I am not one of those people that had a high school relationship that was so lustful that we had plenty of misadventures in the back of an old Trans Am that could have potentially lead to unwanted pregnancy or other life changing afflictions.
- I am not one of those people who dated in college and was so in love that I was basically holding my hand out waiting for that illusive ring to suddenly appear on my finger.
With that in mind, I am these things instead:
- I’m one of those people who doesn’t think the word relationship is as exclusive as everyone seems to think it is. We have relationships with EVERY SINGLE person in our lives. We just don’t happen to date them all. I have a relationship with my parents. I have a relationship with my friends. I have one with my brother and my cousins and my aunts/uncles. A relationship is any kind of interaction you have with another thing on this planet, whether it’s a good relationship or a bad one. I have a relationship with animals. I have one with nature. I have one with this computer that I’m typing at. Technically, I’m in a hell of a lot of relationships.
- I have never had a relationship (and here I mean relationship in the dating sense) with another person. I’ve never been on a date. In fact, I’ve never been anything.
- The longest relationship that I’ve had all depends on the imagination and how long my imagination can keep things spicy.
With #3 in mind, I have had multiple imaginary boyfriends and multiple imaginary husbands. And let me tell you, those relationships were some of the best years of my life.
- When I was around 14 years old I watched this movie. It was about pirates and blacksmiths and governors daughters. It had the fastest vessel in Caribbean, as well as, a cursed ship, a ship with black sails “that was captained by a man so evil, that Hell itself spat him back out”. Immediately the Blacksmith called to me, just like to gold did to the cursed pirates who were not among the living and so they could not die, but neither were they dead. I immediately became obsessed with not only those movies but with the actor portraying the man who had a touch of destiny about him. Orlando and I were married for a good three years and we were very happy. I spent most of my time watching anything I could get my hands on that he was in (you know, to show what a supportive wife I was) and there was a time where I nearly broke the computer trying to find every interview he had ever done, ever, and watching it multiple times. He was my first celebrity crush so, of course, my relationship with him was one of complete intensity/insanity. I thought we would never end, until we did.
- When I was 17 I watched another movie. One which I later came to completely regret and to this day makes me cringe to think that even for a split second I had the audacity to think that the film was actually of good quality. I was clearly mistaken. But once I came to my senses, which only took watching the film again and nearly gagging on the crappiness of it, did I find that I could look past all of that and find something beautiful about a movie with unhealthy completely dependent relationships (and girls who don’t know how to act if their life depended on it) that also happened to have sparkly undead immortal creatures in it. And find something beautiful I did. His name was Taylor and he was a boy/man/wolf. We dated for about 2 years and he continued to be in those terrible movies while I continued to force myself to keep down my lunch and not throw rocks at the movie screen every time that chick stuttered her way through a scene. But I was supportive. He did what he had to do (most of which included no shirts being in the vicinity) and I was perfectly fine with that. Our love, however, didn’t last through the next three films. Note to self: If you want to torture someone, force them watch the first film. See how well they fare in the midst of a complete and utter travesty.
- When I was 19, I watched this very buzzed about television show. The teenagers on it sang and danced their way through their adolescent problems and did so fabulously. There was this one boy who went to an all boys private school who wore a blue blazer with red piping and had the voice of an Angel that suddenly made all of those top 40 chart smashers look like little children singing into plastic microphones. I was even more obsessed with Darren than I was with Orlando. This was a match or marriage made in heaven. He is the trifecta. Singer, dancer, actor and simply everything you could ever imagine. We had what was probably the most intense relationship I ever could have asked for. I watched all of the musicals he did with his college troupe, including the ones about a boy wizard fighting dark forces. I went to New York to see him on Broadway. To put it simply, love was all around. We’re in a place now where lust no longer applies and has been replaced by understanding, friendship and just pure unadulterated joy upon seeing him in anything. He’s a guiding light through the darkness.
- When I was 20, I watched this movie about Norse Gods. One was the God of Thunder and one was the God of Mischief. They were not just brothers, they were friends but due to circumstances beyond their control they suddenly became enemies. This film made me question my extreme love for the caped crusader, the silent guardian. I suddenly had a new favorite superhero and his cape was red instead of black. However, it wasn’t until I was 22 that I realized I had finally found what I was looking for all these long years. The man behind the green suit, horned helmet and staff of doom was and had always been my soul mate. He became everything to me and to this very day, this very moment, he still is. I would give him my left kidney if he needed it (or even if he didn’t). Tom is the man that I have been waiting for and I would wait on him forever and a day. Hand and foot, his world is my world. The simple fact that he exists in a world that can be chaotic and messy and still be upbeat and be hopeful and kind and generous to every person he meets makes me believe in the world again. He makes me believe that there are still good people out there. People who can and strive to make things better. I would climb the highest mountain, run through the fields, scale the city walls just to be with him. He means that much to me.
- My Imagination Relationship Station clearly does not object to polygamy.
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